The inevitable Epic DarcyWar started brewing in 2005, when Director Joe Wright had the audacity to cast Matthew Macfayden as Fitzwilliam Darcy in a feature-length movie version of Pride and Prejudice. Macfayden's fluffy, emo portrayal of Darcy captured the heart of every American woman of a certain age--except, of course, for those of us who had the good fortune to see Colin Firth set the same role aflame in the gripping six-part BBC miniseries ten years earlier.
That said, I suppose Macfayden deserves a shot at the title. Let's weigh the pros and cons of the two Darcys--Matthew Macfayden (RetarDarcy) and Colin Firth (Darcylicious)--and see who comes out on top. Ahem.
Pros
RetarDarcy: I dress better and have better hair than he does. I mean, good heavens. It looks like he has spent hours facing into a stiff wind. In contrast, I will appear more attractive than usual.
Points: +2.
Darcylicious: Effortlessly scrumptious and endlessly smoldering. Fancies "fine eyes" (check) and sharp wit (check) when it comes to women; shapely calves apparently not a must.
Points: +1,978.
Cons
RetarDarcy: Seems floppy in general. This characteristic is a significant drawback during couples skating, public appearances, and the majority of passionate situations.
Points: -3,584.
Darcylicious: Makes me drool. In public. Bibs no longer considered an acceptable fashion accessory (though judging from current fashion trends, this point may soon be moot).
Points: -.001.
Shocking Final Score
RetarDarcy: - 3,582
Darcylicious: +1,977.999
3 comments:
Sing it sista! RetarDarcy needs to curl up with his Keanu posters and Fall Out Boy albums and go cope with himself.
(KUDOS on RetarDarcy---couldn't have said it betta)
I have to go with Donahue on this one. A man who LISTENS? A man who understands us? A man who shares the mic? They just don't make 'em like him anymore. Love ya, Phil. Love ya like the sun.
My hands are tied to deny Darcy a top dreamboat billing. But only A TOP dreamboat billing: put Darcy opposite Daniel Day-Lewis circa ANYTHING, and you have yourself a battle, son!
Well, except for maybe that whole "My Left Foot" business. Unless you're into that sort of thing. In which case, there's definitely nothing wrong with that...
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