Chops- Check
Breeches-Check
Moodiness- Check
Giant house in need of a woman's touch- CHECK CHECK
Affection for bossy, virginal country girls complete with live-in mother figure dying to marry them off--Check, check-ity, check check check
Take yourself back in time to season 1--if you still can. When William T. Compton first cuts through the crowd at Merlotte's like a big, rude knife, plonks in a booth and orders him-pasty-self a TrueBlood , the script may as well have read: been at fangin' out at the Meryton Assembly refusing to dance in an assembly such as this. It is, after all, insupportable. We'd all rather they didn't stand around "in this stupid manner" but what's to be done? Nothing, we've just got to simmer down, put hot sauce on our po'boys and wait for the plot to thicken.
PROTECTIVE INSTINCTS:
DARCY: Will totally leave you hanging when you're lost for words at Rosings and spends acts 1&2 oblivious to the fact that your sister's misery is a drag for you, too. But, will comb God's green earth to save a different sister from Wickham and weenie to preserve your good name and secure your chances of making a good match (with him).
VAMPIRE BILL: Bit of a stalker really, makes up for it in other ways. Mind meld. Vamp speed. And, won't let no one mess with you no how. Drug dealers? he's kickin their ass in the parking lot. Murderers? He'll "go to ground" near your house to watch over you and brave burning in the sun to save you from the one chasing you into the graveyard. Eric Northman? well, not really much he can do about you in season one, sheriff, but he doesn't take kindly to your eyeballing his woman. In the aptitude test of your choice he scores higher in protective instincts than that kid in "The Blind Side".
FASHION SENSE:
DARCY: Has never even heard of a "members only" jacket, more less a track suit. Dresses to thrill in his Top hat and duster jacket (would love to borrow jacket btw--leave boyfriend jeans for the other girls)
VAMPIRE BILL: Has a frikkin "members only" jacket for every day of the week. But fills out a polo rather nicely.
TUB TIME:
DARCY:
VAMPIRE BILL:
BONUS POINTS BILL for not shaving your chest. Well done.
MARRIAGE PROPOSAL:
DARCY: Takes more than one "go" at this and won't give up 'till he gets his girl. He'll do whatever it takes, including fighting his own common sense to marry up.
VAMPIRE BILL: Sends you a dress. (boo!) Rents out a restaurant. (cheer!) Swingdances (meh, you've got too much dance space and you're all elbows--stop by Lee's Liquor Lounge on a Wednesday night, I'll get you storted out) and then when he finally gets a "yes" (pardon a girl for needing a moment to fang out with her new diamond in the ladies) he uses a little silver, a few werewolves and almost killing you in the back of Alcide's van as an excuse to be all "um...this never happened, okay".
BRITISH ACCENT:
DARCY: ALL DAY LONG.
VAMPIRE BILL: Here, Sawyer goes for Moyer. Serious. VB, you've got what mamma wants. Why won't you give it up now and then? Your southern accent is like nails on a chalkboard--why you use it instead of revealing yourself as the tasty Brit you are, I just can't fathom. This is a bigger fail than the marriage proposal.
SURPRISE TALLY:
DARCY: 420,568,600
VAMPIRE BILL: 468,600
BILL BITES. DARCY DELIGHTS!
