Darcy V. Obama

Now that Clinton's out of the way the only thing Obama has to worry about is DD (darling Darcy). Darcy's oratory is minimal and veiled. He dreams of doing things, but is too restrained to do them. Obama on the other hand peels off oratory that melts not just the heart of the favoured Bennet girl, but of the entire new world- and parts of Europe. Hell the SF gate's got a man-crush on him so hard they're referring to him as a lightworker

Enlightened, probably. But what lights up my heart like Darcy. Damn near nuttin.

In a talk dirty to me world, Obama's got the goods. But if we want to really rock out with our caucus out we can't overlook the power of the strong silent. So----tall, dark and yummy or strong and slient.

This Obama-girl is tormented by the choice.
Can we decide?
Yes We CAN!


Darcy: I believe you spoke with my aunt last night, and it has taught me to hope as I'd scarcely allowed myself before. If your feelings are still what they were last April, tell me so at once. My affections and wishes have not changed, but one word from you will silence me forever. If, however, your feelings have changed, I will have to tell you: you have bewitched me, body and soul, and I love, I love, I love you. I never wish to be parted from you from this day on.

Obama: We have been told we cannot do this by a chorus of cynics who will only grow louder and more dissonant in the weeks to come. We've been asked to pause for a reality check. We've been warned against offering the people of this nation false hope. But in the unlikely story that is America, there has never been anything false about hope.

Bad Boys Face Off: Darcy vs. Darth

It's a fact that's been proven in movie after angsty teen movie: Nice guys finish last. Ladies love bad boys! So break out your hairspray, struggle into some leather pants, and see if you can get your dangly skull earring back into that piercing you let grow over when you graduated college. It's time for the dark side of DarcyWars.

Oh that's right. She done did it. This face-off is between Darcy and the masked man to end all masked men: Darth Vader.

As with all posts, I leave it to you, Gentle Reader, to judge. I present only closing arguments for each contender. This time in poem form!

The Reigning Champion (a haiku)

Willow tree in bloom
Irresistible Darcy
Break me off a piece

Darth Vader!

D is for dastardly, devilish, and dire.
A is for arson--he'll set you on fire!
R is for ruthless, a trait I find scrumps.
T is for drinking. I've got your two lumps. ;)
H is for hellish; I do like 'em bad.
Now for his last name, which I wish I had:
V is for voicebox; his gives me this shivers.
A is for arms, where enfolded I'd quiver.
D is for DUCK! Is he choking or squeezing? (With Vader, I'd guess either one would be pleasing.)
E is for ebon, in which he is dressed.
R is for ruv. Because I ruv him best.

What's the vote, people? Dark side or Darcy?

Ps: You can try to resist Darth Vader. But if you do, he will choke you. With his mind.

DUDES VS DARCY

EARL of Darcy

The menfolk weigh in re: Darcy V. Donahue
This post was just too great not to share:

If I'm being honest with you, which I am, and if I am speaking as an uberheterosexual male who's adored women to a palpably (get me?) painful degree since first laying immature eyes on Dagmar's twin torpedoes of mass destruction, which once again I am, then I must cast my vote with Darcy on the basis of Colin Firth's being among the half dozen men I'd date, the aforesaid notwithstanding. I admire Donahue, make no mistake. But for me, he's just not dating material, dawg.

Darcy v. Darcy

The inevitable Epic DarcyWar started brewing in 2005, when Director Joe Wright had the audacity to cast Matthew Macfayden as Fitzwilliam Darcy in a feature-length movie version of Pride and Prejudice. Macfayden's fluffy, emo portrayal of Darcy captured the heart of every American woman of a certain age--except, of course, for those of us who had the good fortune to see Colin Firth set the same role aflame in the gripping six-part BBC miniseries ten years earlier.

That said, I suppose Macfayden deserves a shot at the title. Let's weigh the pros and cons of the two Darcys--Matthew Macfayden (RetarDarcy) and Colin Firth (Darcylicious)--and see who comes out on top. Ahem.

Pros

RetarDarcy: I dress better and have better hair than he does. I mean, good heavens. It looks like he has spent hours facing into a stiff wind. In contrast, I will appear more attractive than usual.
Points: +2.

Darcylicious: Effortlessly scrumptious and endlessly smoldering. Fancies "fine eyes" (check) and sharp wit (check) when it comes to women; shapely calves apparently not a must.
Points: +1,978.

Cons

RetarDarcy: Seems floppy in general. This characteristic is a significant drawback during couples skating, public appearances, and the majority of passionate situations.
Points: -3,584.

Darcylicious: Makes me drool. In public. Bibs no longer considered an acceptable fashion accessory (though judging from current fashion trends, this point may soon be moot).
Points: -.001.

Shocking Final Score

RetarDarcy: - 3,582
Darcylicious: +1,977.999

Donahue vs Darcy

I can sum this battle up in 5 words, "Donahue, you is my boo!"

I love me some Donahue. Have since I was knee high to a grasshopper. And he just gets better and better and better ....
How does he stand up to Darcy?

Friends, I'munna need your help!

Darcy and Donahue----snacky double D.

So different. So loveable.

English v Irish---not a battle I'll be taking on---but one well documented elsewhere.

See....Donahue is a woman's man. There's no getting 'round it.
Not in a shaken-not-stirred or Cptn. Kirk-ish way---OH NO! He is redefines the phrase by offering the first (and finest) example known to woman-kind of the sensitive new-age man or SNAG. Open-minded. At ease with himself; engaged in the world; and the unparalelled King Midas of conversation - which is quite a gauntlet to Darcy's inability to recommend himself to strangers. That's a peg down for Darcy-- at least as far as this verbally titillated lady is concerned.

DD (darling Darcy) will have to get up early in the morning to unseat Phil from his toasty/hosty-throne.

The ballte's a tough one. They're quite equal in the baby blues department and fairly well-matched when it comes to loving a feminist making waves in her own world. (Well played Marlo! Hurrah Lizzie!)

Let's hear what the gentlemen have to say.

Hand the mic to Phil:

Is it any wonder that for millions of men the only intimacy is physical, silent, and predictable?
Phil Donahue

Marlo taught me things I thought I knew.
Phil Donahue

Mic to Darcy

Mr. Darcy: But not half a dozen would satisfy my notion of an accomplished woman.


Friends, you'll have to weigh in on this one. It's just too tough for me to call.

Darcy V. Mos Def

A delectable dilemma presents! The Babes in Pemberley Woods wonder: Can Mos Def shove Mr. Darcy out of the Hot Seat? He's lacking in the tallness department.... But in Mos Def's case, the Babes are willing to concede an important point: We're all the same height lying down. In the shade of an oak, of course; doing proper things like embroidery and, um, reading.

Let's let the gentlemen speak for themselves. Here's Darcy and Def on the ladies:

Mr. Darcy: I have been meditating on the very great pleasure which a pair of fine eyes in the face of a pretty woman can bestow.

Mos Def: I seen her on the ave., spotted her more than once. Ass so fat that you could see it from the front. She spot me like paparazzi, shot me a glance in that Catwoman stance with the fat booty pants. Hot damn.